Dane Cook

This is another one too. and I know ur like me

I HATE it when somebody turns around in my driveway.

Your just sitting comfortanly watching tv. You hear a car pu-. "wha-. who is this?" hhehh. It's so dissruptive you look out, strange car, you don't know if its a government official-you start getting concerned. WHAT I don't know this car! Then they turn to leave and your like,

YOU SON OF A BITCH! You wasted moments of my life! moments I will never get back!

Ah. someday I'm gonna run out to that car before they leave- knock on the window,make em' roll it down and go. "You ever turn around in my driveway again. I'll cut ur f****** head off!." "I'm gonna put your head on my intenna. and drive around. with your head, on my intenna."

And hopefully, I'll get a two-fer and the person will go "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F****** MIND!" then ill pull out a switch blade and they go. " YOU REALLY ARE OUT OF YOUR F****** MIND!" . and I go "ZANGZADAN!"


I hope they never come back and try to turn around in that driveway again. Cuz then I'll be in the window like. DAMNITT. NOW I GOTTA CUT THIS GUYS HEAD OFF!


Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972 in Cambridge, Massachusetts) is an American stand-up comedian and screen actor. Cook grew up in Arlington, Massachusetts and attended Arlington High School. He was raised Roman Catholic.

His comic material is mostly observational humor. His recent routines include such diverse topics as car accident mayhem, Cook's time spent working at Burger King and assorted geek humor. Cook often refers to specific places or things using his own slang terms. ... Read More