Dane Cook

I've been swearing a lot lately.
Ever go through those modes where you just can't help but swear
All the time? Fuck is like the best word ever. It really is.
It's perfect. It's just FUCK.
I's cuz it's got the ffff and the uh and the CA!... Fu-ca!
When somebody finally says Hey Fuck you!, there's nothing better.
I just look at them and I go yeah. Yeah that's right fuck me.
Good use of fuck right there.
You really gotta emphasize the fff too, right.
Say fuck, FUCK. You can't- you gotta hit the F. You can't go f -UCK.
Doesn't have the same who-uh-kuk. Can't just hit the K. UCK. No.
This guy, now we got in this little beef, we got in this little fight, right.
And he yelled fuck you. And there's nothing about- once somebody
Hits you with fuck you. That's it. There's nothing better.
There's nothing about- you can't come back with... Oh? Fuck me?
Yeah uh Gaylord! No, doesn't have the same-.

The he gave me the finger, this dude gave me the finger.
He gave me the best finger I've ever seen.
You know, sometimes people give you the finger and it's sucks.
They're like
Trick or treat! And you just laugh cuz they don't- no form or anything.
It's just this stump, this little pig... pig hoof. Wee.
Yeah that's a good one. This dude he fuckin was like *BOOM*
He fucking- it was huge! He had like 8 knuckles man.
It was like a rocket, it went *SHOOO*
It exploded in the sky and a thousand tiny fingers rained down on me.


Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972 in Cambridge, Massachusetts) is an American stand-up comedian and screen actor. Cook grew up in Arlington, Massachusetts and attended Arlington High School. He was raised Roman Catholic.

His comic material is mostly observational humor. His recent routines include such diverse topics as car accident mayhem, Cook's time spent working at Burger King and assorted geek humor. Cook often refers to specific places or things using his own slang terms. ... Read More