Dane Cook

(Cheering)"YES!...Yes..yes..yes. Yes..Yes..Y-E-S. Yes.We are going to have a relationship tonight. Im gunna go out with you.Were gunna make sweet sweet comedy love with each other.And then suddenly without warning im not even gunna call you guys anymore.The last thing you had ever heard me say was, 'hey,ill cal you guys later'.And i never call.But you hear from the grapevine, im dating a younger sexier crowd.And then im really happy, but im not happy.Cuz i think about you guys.And about a year from now, im gunna call weeping in the middle of the night,'you were the best crowd i ever had...(sniff) you really listened to me...and I didnt know the crowd I had until you despersed.'Then were gunna get together, were gunna hang out, and maybe will all like ya kno run around town and smash windows and cause destruction.And ill make jokes and one of you guys will turn and be like,'haha Dane your a riot!'and ill go,'IM A RIOT?YOUR A FUCKING RIOT!'GET IT?Thats how things are gunna go down tonight!


Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972 in Cambridge, Massachusetts) is an American stand-up comedian and screen actor. Cook grew up in Arlington, Massachusetts and attended Arlington High School. He was raised Roman Catholic.

His comic material is mostly observational humor. His recent routines include such diverse topics as car accident mayhem, Cook's time spent working at Burger King and assorted geek humor. Cook often refers to specific places or things using his own slang terms. ... Read More