Dane Cook

There are some things I have learned in my recent past that I'm excited to share with you tonight,
and one thing I've realized is that we all want to leave behind a legacy;
we all want to be remembered for something. And then I was thinking going,
'How can I be remembered?'
and then I suddenly realized you can do it on a daily bases,
even if it's one on one with people.
For example, the other day, I saw a young boy, and he was eating an ice cream cone,
I ran up and I smashed it into his face, I leaned in, I go,
'You remember me forever!' and I ran away.
Cause you know when he's 50, he's gonna be like, 'One day a man ran up to me,
I did not know this man, he smashed my treat into my eyes.
And he pointed and said, 'You fuckin remember me forever.'
' But I did not say fuckin, I did not say that.
He added fuckin to make the story more intense and interesting.
He deserves to have ice cream smashed in his face, cause he's a lying 50 year old man.
I did NOT say fuckin.


Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972 in Cambridge, Massachusetts) is an American stand-up comedian and screen actor. Cook grew up in Arlington, Massachusetts and attended Arlington High School. He was raised Roman Catholic.

His comic material is mostly observational humor. His recent routines include such diverse topics as car accident mayhem, Cook's time spent working at Burger King and assorted geek humor. Cook often refers to specific places or things using his own slang terms. ... Read More