Dane Cook

Here's another way to be remembered, again, this one is more personal, it's more for you because nobody is ever going to know that it was you... but you'll know, and that's all that matters. Next time you go to a party, a great big party, go into the room where all the coats are, and shit on the coats... Guaranteed at some point somebody is going to walk outta that room and go, 'SOMEONE SHIT ON THE COATS'. SOMEONE HAS SHIT ON THE COATS'... That's the only thing you can say when someone shits on the coats, 'someone shit on the coats.'... They might say, 'I think someone shit on the coats,' but you know'You just don't want to be the bearer of bad news, 'I think someone may have shit on or around the coats area, there's a smell of shit around the parameter, the vicinity of coats. Leading me to believe that someone has shit....' But again you're there, you're there watching it all happen, and it's your job, all you're going to do at some point, you're going to lean in and go, 'What!?!' And then blend back into the crowd... 'What?! I hope that it wasn't on my coat.' And then, boom, you're a phantom, you just disappear, disappear.


Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972 in Cambridge, Massachusetts) is an American stand-up comedian and screen actor. Cook grew up in Arlington, Massachusetts and attended Arlington High School. He was raised Roman Catholic.

His comic material is mostly observational humor. His recent routines include such diverse topics as car accident mayhem, Cook's time spent working at Burger King and assorted geek humor. Cook often refers to specific places or things using his own slang terms. ... Read More